The Tihar jail VIP treatment law

Friends Romans Countrymen, lend me your ears; the new hotline for Tihar Jail room reservations is expected to come out in the near future. Unfortunately this hotline can be accessed only by the members of the corrupt high-brow society (duh! politicians). Rooms can be reserved in bulk. Special welcome parties will also be provided (Garlands and Aarti included.Vermilion applied on fore-head only if the chief obliges!).  I am not a huge fan of politics but the high-profile inmates of Tihar Jail continue discombobulate me (kinda punchy but effective verb). Generally a criminal is left to rot in jail but this law has a certain.ahem fallacy if I may call or even better a glaring loophole when it comes to politicians. Let us assume

A= Politician

B=Indian

The Tihar jail VIP treatment law states that as long as a criminal falls into the category of (a∩b) he/she shall be given VIP treatment in Tihar Jail even if the offences committed by him/her are heinous (vary from scams to swindling…an occasional touch of sanguinary here and there).

A. Raja, Kanimozhi,Suresh Kalmadi,Amar Singh might be terribly disappointed by the news that Lord B. S. Yeddyurappa found refuge in  the eastern suburb of Parappana Agrahara a.k.a Bangalore Central Jail but no worries his room is air-conditioned and has a ‘Y’ class security. Oh I almost forgot even he tried playing the “chest pain” card!

Every politician arrested is sure to complain of chest pain. It’s a cliché now! Remember the times when you were absent from school and the next day the teacher questions you

Teacher : Why were you absent yesterday?

Student : Fever

Similarly

Police : Mr/Mrs/Miss XXXX  you are under arrest for XXXXX charges.

Mr/Mrs/Miss XXXX  : (He/She knows this is going to happen and he/she has been rehearsing this with his/her colleagues almost every alternate day) Clutches his/her chest and faints dramatically(at times in front of cameras..fodder for the media). An ambulance is conjured out of thin air and the VIP is immediately put on a drip and rushed to the hospital.

Kalmadi decided to improvise a bit just like he did with the CWG contracts. He managed to do a Guy Pearce on the investigating officials by stating he suffers from dementia. A Memento cum Ghajini inspired act by Kalmadi deserves a standing ovation. Hats off to Kalmadi!

One unlucky bloke who narrowly missed out on the “Tihar is paradise” clan is the weedy looking sneaky scum Ramalinga Raju who destroyed the careers and lives of so many people. This one played the same (surprise!surprise!) “chest-pain” card and managed to make the hospital NIMS his home for almost a year!

Tea parties being hosted in Tihar. The VIP’s seem to be having a ball as the walls around them which are actually meant to prevent them from escaping seem to be providing them refuge from their real enemies a.k.a the ones who suffered due to their atrocities.

This is an excerpt from a news paper

“On a surprise visit to the jail on Thursday, inspecting trial court judge Brijesh Kumar Garg was aghast to see that “high-profile undertrial prisoners (UTP) were being given undue liberty by the jail authorities”. While sacked Games Organizing Committee chief Suresh Kalmadi was having tea and snacks with the jail superintendent in his chamber, the judge found that the cells of 2G spectrum accused were unlocked and “all the high-profile UTPs were able to roam around and interact with each other”.

Who needs heaven when there are  plush havens like these on earth!